Exercise Evader Pillows

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

"I have an app that does my exercise for me!"

"No, Harry, shaking ketchup on your burger and chips twice a day cannot be counted as exercise."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

The four housemen of procrastination

"We need to walk."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

The Sedentary Dead.

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

New years resolutions

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."