Executive Suite Seeker T-Shirts

' I'm sick of having to use this pigsty!..What does a guy have to do,to gain access to the executive wash-room in this company?! '

Parade of Businessmen

'I give this one about three months...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"I believe we're done here...we've covered all out butts — I mean bases!"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'Oh, my. The board of directors appears ominous today.'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

'Johnson, I want you to track down the source of these rumors that we are going to be moving south of the border.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

Computer Jobs

"It's that man who's determined to see you, sir."

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

'I enjoy the simple pleasures in life... A big office, a huge salary, firing people...'

"I enjoyed your request for a raise. I've seldom read a more aspirational document."

While You Were Out

Man at top of corporate ladder destroying rungs.

Yes, I was a senior executive here, but I made a fool of myself at an office Christmas party.

'Office amenities' dangled by 'Leasing agents'

'Relax Smithers, he is just a head hunter, they leave the rest of you alone.'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

'I'm best suited for a job where I'm a figurehead.'

"The workers feel a disconnect with your leadership style."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"So, when you young execs talk about 'phoning it in' there's no actual phone involved?"

'My ears just fell off! Hold my calls!'

"I heard the boss had a nicer company vehicle than us, but I didn't realize how much nicer."

"Will they hate me if I talk?"

'Studies show more people are living into their 90's and we're smarter.'

"I've been soaking my aching feet ever since I made it to the top. I had to step on a lot of people to get here."

"The board is confident he'll grow into the job."