Executive Suite Seeker Gifts

' I'm sick of having to use this pigsty!..What does a guy have to do,to gain access to the executive wash-room in this company?! '

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

Parade of Businessmen

'I give this one about three months...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"I believe we're done here...we've covered all out butts — I mean bases!"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'Oh, my. The board of directors appears ominous today.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

'Johnson, I want you to track down the source of these rumors that we are going to be moving south of the border.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"It's that man who's determined to see you, sir."

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

Computer Jobs

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

'I enjoy the simple pleasures in life... A big office, a huge salary, firing people...'

"I enjoyed your request for a raise. I've seldom read a more aspirational document."

While You Were Out

Yes, I was a senior executive here, but I made a fool of myself at an office Christmas party.

'Office amenities' dangled by 'Leasing agents'

Man at top of corporate ladder destroying rungs.

'I'm best suited for a job where I'm a figurehead.'

"I'm from the Duvall Executive Search Agency, and I leave no stone unturned."

'Relax Smithers, he is just a head hunter, they leave the rest of you alone.'

"The workers feel a disconnect with your leadership style."

"I heard the boss had a nicer company vehicle than us, but I didn't realize how much nicer."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"So, when you young execs talk about 'phoning it in' there's no actual phone involved?"

'My ears just fell off! Hold my calls!'

"Will they hate me if I talk?"

'Studies show more people are living into their 90's and we're smarter.'

"We haven't been able to select a new CEO based on your experience, gentlemen, so that leaves us with the swimsuit competition."