Executive High-roller Gifts

"Four hours study and the poor love still can't decide which luxury saloon to buy for himself."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

Golfing Boss

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Parade of Businessmen

My brilliant career

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Get a Job

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"We don't have a grievance committee, but we have a grieving committee for fired employees."