Evolution Joke Appreciator Gifts

'Why Dug! I haven't seen you in years! You haven't evolved a bit!'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"You've changed."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."