Event Host Pillows

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

"And now, let’s welcome our keynote speaker... I truly have no idea who this person is, that’s how good and ghosty they are."

"As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"You may now kiss the bride..."

Face painting.

Dinner at the Trapdoors

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Create some buzz!

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Face painting by numbers.

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'