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Priest's 'To do' list.

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Morty likes a holistic approach... sex, cigarettes, pillow talk and then death.

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

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