Etiquette Evaluator Mugs

'Easily annoyed by nearby texting guests or not easily annoyed by nearby texting guests.'

'Sorry, you'll have to wait - now I have a call...'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Hipsters"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'