Etiquette Explorer Mugs

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

The holiday task - Gladstonian Legislation

Dinosaur Close Talker

"That's right, sir, you did book a table for four but you didn't say anything about chairs."

'Now, now, Timmy ... No poison darts at the dinner table.'

The Cell Phone Is Here to Stay

Soup Eating Styles

"Sorry, Jeff. Two's company, three's an infestation."

"I've waived the corkage fee as it was a screw top."

Tenant who has finished off his landlord's expensive liqueur

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

"No I'm not, I'm just rude."

"Ms. Sims and I have known each other for quite some time, but it turns out we aren't on a first-name basis."

'Remember, it's not just gimme. It's please gimme.'

'Texting or non-texting?'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'No begging at the table.'

Guy comes to a funeral service with a bag of fried chicken.

'Anything I can get you? Tea, coffee, coats and hats?'

Abandon Personal Space All Ye Who Enter Here.

"Sit down, Peter, you can't object at a funeral."

"How much do you tip a masseuse?"

When in Rome...

"Good evening, Sir. I’m Ian, your server with a serious attitude."

"Check."

"What are you doing?!"

"I said, you’re on speaker – Dan, you’re on speaker phone!"

"Oh, dear me. No, no – I meant the Chehalem 2006, not the $2,006."

"May I eat at the bar ... read your paper, text friends and hit on you?"

"May I trouble you for a steak knife?"

"Oh, no! Here comes a guy on a motorcycle! Should I give him the 'low wave'? Is the 'high wave' too effeminate? Am I allowed to wave if I'm on a scooter? What if I wave and he ignores me?! This is bad..."

"Mother, I'm so sorry — I totally forgot to bring you."

"You mind if I smoke?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."