Ethics Professional Pillows

'I majored in ethics. Several recruiters talked to me. They'd like me to do volunteer work.'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Ethics exam cheater.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Squeezing the Free Press.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Slavery Reparations

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

The Price of Freedom

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Moulting"

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."