Ethel Merman Aficionado T-Shirts

"Silence in court! Or I'll have to bring in Ether Merman!"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'I think I've scored.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

The Web is mightier than the sword.

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'Say, please.'

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

"The sign said 'No Shoes, No Service.' This could be a long wait."

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

The Evolution of Pop Culture Scapegoats

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

'It was very good.'

'Humor him. He thinks his girlfriend is a pinup girl.'

'...You know bestiality is illegal.'

Dignity and Impudence.

' Hey...he's not eating like a pig.'

Nature Scents Research Department.

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

'Holding the door open? Where are your manners, son?!'

'EEEEEHA!!' 'WHISKEY!' 'What's the magic word?'

'If you two don't mind, I need my mop.'

"Your Honour, may I approach the bench?" And what's the magic word?

"Not so loud, sweetie. We're in Europe."

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"You see, manners are not dead: I've received a "Thank You" card from the guy I saved last week..."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't eat so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much floatsam.'