Ethel Merman Aficionado Gifts

"Silence in court! Or I'll have to bring in Ether Merman!"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'I think I've scored.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

The Web is mightier than the sword.

'Say, please.'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"The sign said 'No Shoes, No Service.' This could be a long wait."

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'I've been under a lot of pressure.' (Diver on therapist's couch).

'Rurgh!!' - 'Burp!' - 'Form an orderly queue, ladies!'

' Hey...he's not eating like a pig.'

'It was very good.'

Nature Scents Research Department.

Dignity and Impudence.

'...You know bestiality is illegal.'

'EEEEEHA!!' 'WHISKEY!' 'What's the magic word?'

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

'Holding the door open? Where are your manners, son?!'

'If you two don't mind, I need my mop.'

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"Your Honour, may I approach the bench?" And what's the magic word?

"Not so loud, sweetie. We're in Europe."

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"When I yell 'CLEAR' that doesn't mean you."

"You see, manners are not dead: I've received a "Thank You" card from the guy I saved last week..."

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't eat so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much floatsam.'