Eternal Youth Quester Gifts

'Having any luck finding the fountain of youth, Miller?'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Elderly People

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Wally's dye job...makes his hair look 25 years younger.

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"They grow up so slow."

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'No kidding? I didn't realize 80 is the new 20!'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

'I'm sure I'm getting worry lines worring if this anti wrinkle cream is working!'

'You've been having your damn midlife crisis for eighteen years!'

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

"I heard raising your grandkids can help keep you young. Please tell me there's an easier way."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

"As a kid I was told, 'Act your age.' As an adult I'm told, 'Don't look your age.'"

"I was pushing fifty and then it sneaked up behind me."

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

Say hello to Myrna Dinsdale. Myrna finally had one face-lift too many.

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"Have you ever been young before?"

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."