Eternal Style Seeker T-Shirts

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

Baroque Peacock

"Which of these will look the prettiest without the others?"

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Pampered and poodled.

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"I don't like your application."

"Do you do much walking?"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'I'll take it!'

Elegant woman in backless dress.

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

Changing Room Decisions

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."