Eternal Golfer Pillows

'Um... no. I don't think so.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'He lived and died for golf.'

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

Football Angel

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

'Where's your other glove?'

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

'What club do you think I should use? I don't know sir, I don't play golf either'

"Nope. No mistake. You’ve been booked... forever."

Luckily I hit the pin!

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

Too many beers at lunch?

"Never stop learning"

'We're looking for missionaries to cover the golf courses and shopping malls.'

"My kind of course."

'Sudden death?'

'Once again, Stuart was heading the leaderboard at the office golf open'

'Me retire? Never!!!'

'T.M., have you ever considered taking up golf like most executives?'

"Sorry Dick. I kinda sliced that one."

'I somehow always knew heaven would be like this!'

"But this is eternity...you've got to have a hobby!"

'Sorry, but we've never gotten enough golfers here to make it worthwhile to put in a golf course.'

Golfers' Heaven

Golf Sale

'The only thing he has in common with Tiger is the woods.'

'Please remember that I'm only seeing you because I couldn't get a tee time.'