Espresso Fan Pillows

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

"I'm a monster."

"You order the raspberry danish?"

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

Smart Arse Meter

Control and Out of Control Group

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

Man riding a bike frame with a cat and a dog attached to harnesses where the wheels would normally be

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

'Well, Tom, your blood sugar is way too high!'

Humpty Dumpty to psychiatrist: 'It's like there's this thing inside me that's trying to get out.'

'Are these eggs fresh enough for you?'

Man sweating profusely while shoveling snow in his boxer shorts

"My guess is that you're not the first European here.

"I ask the jury, who among us would not have done the same, if given ready access to a huge vat of cheese and a lives streaming social media feed?"

"And this is the electronic version."

Pilates Creative Stretching Program.

Plank

"Why didn't Lewis and Clark just use GPS?"

'You're doing it wrong!'

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'

"I'm not sure this outdoor teashop is such a good idea."

"I'm just saying we might be jumping the gun just a tiny bit on the outside seating."

Massage Mushroom Cloud

"Based on those growth rings maybe that branch was only 39 years old, but there's no way the rest of her is."