Escalator Humorist T-Shirts

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

"The Eggsorcist"

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Electric Blanket.

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

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"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'Cat job interviews.'