Epicurean Experimenter Pillows

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

Bad fake tan day.

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Holiday Supplies

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Cursing Scientist.

'Is my make-up O.K.?'

No other lab did as cutting edge research using lab rats as test subjects as McWit Lab.

Science Project: Monkey See, Monkey Do.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Michel Roux Jr

'Frank, it's water.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."

Wishing Well

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

Two discoveries.

"Of course the HMO never stops b****ing about my electricity bills!"

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

"I see you found my science project, dad. Cool, it works!"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'