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How much did you lose when the stock market tanked last week, Randy? Nada, little buddy. A real man never invests in other people's businesses, he only invests in his own. If you lose on stocks, it's because you didn't research them enough. If you lose on your own business, it's because you gave it your all and it just didn't work out. Ladies see valiant failure as being way hotter than poor-research failure. That's from chapter 12 of my new book, "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's guide to manvesting."

I'm on a productivity drive.

"Good morning Mr. Spencer - I am your Small Business Advisor..."

"That's the first dollar I've ever made. Someday, I hope to make another."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Where your mind & battle are los

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Robot Parts $5

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'Let's not go by the book.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Profit

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.