Enthusiasts Of Culinary Critiques T-Shirts

Kelly's Kountry Kitchen: 'You call this Korned Beef & Kabbage!?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Is the MSG local?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Too much cilantro

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"