Entertainment Voter Pillows

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

Showing off the good china 3-7 pm.

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

Frank's bar & grill & jukebox & pool table & chairs & bathroom & mechanical bull & tables & karaoke machine & drinking fountain & lamps & fire extinguisher & doors & floors...

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

'It's nice, but I wish we could get more than one channel.'

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

The Election Strategy

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"As I recall, Leonard, when we first watched 'The Honeymooners' you said that it marked the decline and fall of Western culture."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

More Arts Council cuts...