Engineering Joke Appreciator Pillows

Screw plastic surgeon.

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"He can be a real charmer when he wants to be."

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."