Engaging In Social Media Pillows

"Excuse me, I'm late for my new show 'Lancing With the Stars'."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

Lynching on social media

You're my Mona Lisa.

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Do you think we can cuddle?'

21st century water cooler conversations.

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Love at First Sight

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Couple looking at the statue of Eros by moonlight.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

Romance

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'