Energy Maverick Pillows

'I was just, er, conserving energy.'

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Grandma's caf

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

"who knows, Perkins maybe one day in the far future we'll be bullying each other in addictive artificial environments..."

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

"Sorry, but that's a road racing bike. I'm a mountain bike specialist."

'You CAN Pass The Turing Test!'

Scared sheep visiting a Damien Hirst exhibition.

High School. I was suspended for throwing a Robert Frost book. They didn't see that it was performance - poetry in motion.

"I'm working on a watercolor."

Gym. I'm not sweating --- My muscles are crying!

"You again?"

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

'All these conferences look the same.'

Mobility scooter driver has stickers for all pedestrians he's knocked over.

"Don't even think about it."

'They're automating the bottling process? Why? Just yesterday, me and my team managed to cork four bottles.'

'If environmentalism grows any more powerful, I'll have to rail against it too.'

'Look at it another way. Think of the money you'll save on tires.'

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

Pensioner on a mobility scooter who leaves run over pedestrians in his wake has a sign reading 'How's my driving?'

"So how do you like these new cylindricals?"

If Bernie Ecclestone does not get his pound of flesh from Montreal, the Canadian Grand Prix will not roll.

Ten minutes later, the rescue helicopter landed...

'They're very easy to use - just remember not to press the large button marked 'Nitro' '

Three legged crutch for a three legged man

'I'm not sure this is the best way to get relief from your poison ivy, Bob.'

Handcuffs: Steal one pair, get the second pair free!

'Are you sure these are the new regulation seat belts?.'

Mobility Solutions

'Now THAT's what I call an innovative business plan!'

Thoughts