Exercise Maverick Pillows

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

Pi fight!

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

'You're kidding... I've got a masters in philosophy too!'

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

"I got an A in creative writing. Don't I get credit for creative addition."

"Would our big tacky objects look good here?"

Casual skydiving.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

'I march to a different arithmetic.'

"Sorry, but that's a road racing bike. I'm a mountain bike specialist."

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

Routine on/off office

'I was just, er, conserving energy.'

'I never realized how difficult mothematics was!'

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

'Darn! - Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

"You again?"

'A sure-win radio talk show. People phone in with questions on existence and reality, and you respond with total silence.'

Mobility scooter driver has stickers for all pedestrians he's knocked over.

"Don't even think about it."

'Look at it another way. Think of the money you'll save on tires.'

"I can't believe I scored so low on my algebra test."

DoctorGuru - 'Do you have an appointment?'

'They're automating the bottling process? Why? Just yesterday, me and my team managed to cork four bottles.'

"I'll trade you my pink pills for these blue ones....what do you say?"

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Pensioner on a mobility scooter who leaves run over pedestrians in his wake has a sign reading 'How's my driving?'

'Dave dropped out. He had chest pains and trouble breathing. They think he may have competitive heart failure.'