End-time Enthusiast Pillows

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

Day 11. Still can't tell if I'm the last human left alive after the apocalypse, or if it's just that no one is getting back to me.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Can that be right?"

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

Clock watcher

'Bernie always sees the glass as half-full, but not for long.'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"I much prefer the evening milking to the morning one: The farmer is not a "morning person", now is he?"

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

David Letterman

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

Doomsday marketing

'-and what makes YOU so sure my missus is waiting up for me?'

Taste of the east (London).

"It's funny. . . I know it's the renaissance, but I keep writing dark ages on my checks!"

"I love these quiet evenings at home battling alcoholism."

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

Carpe Noctem - Seize the Night

'Quick! Play dead!'

"I have dusk free."

'What you want is not time to yourself, you want time up yourself.'

"Yjere didn't seem any point in making any supper..."

Mr Meier calendar

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

"I'm coming - I just need some 'me' time."

'Well, he certainly lived every day as if it was his last.'

Modern day doomsayer

'It shouldn't take long to wnd up your Aunt's estate. She only left you an alarm clock.'

'Would you like seconds?'

King George VI

Summer - the temperature is higher and the days are longer.

"It's the kind of trade you get at an all-night supermarket, kid."