Empty Nest Humorist Pillows

"Hell! This house is getting too big for us."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"We used to entertain a great deal."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

I think it's time he left home.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

The Sensitive Dude.

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'