Empty Nest Humorist Gifts

"Hell! This house is getting too big for us."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"The Eggsorcist"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

"We used to entertain a great deal."

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

I think it's time he left home.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

The kids called. They'll be home in five. Our week alone flashed by. It was like getting to know you all over again. I'm starving! Anyone call? I need the computer! Where's the remote? What's your name again?

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".