Empty Nest Gifts

"Well, the children are grown up, married, divorced, and remarried. I guess our job is done."

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

Now that the last child had finally left for college, Dot and Neville went through the usual 'empty nest' grieving process.

'All my kids are grown and have moved out. How much would it cost to remove this tattoo?'

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'My kids are grown and have moved out. How much would it cost to remove this tattoo?'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"No need to push, Mother—I'm going."

How to tell an Empty Nest.

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

"Find a patch of sunlight, my boy. Find a patch of sunlight and bask in it."

"You can't just move out and leave me here with your father"

With the children all off to college, Gwen has been told this was the time to focus on Gus and rekindle their romance.

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Cut out and keep your own Teenager.

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

'Now that the kids have flown away, I want to turn their room into a man cave.'

'You teach them to fly, and what do you get?'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

"Remember the good old days when they ran away from home?"

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"The time will come, son, when you will move out of the basement and into a basement apartment of your own."

"Since the kids moved out and the wife left, my only connection is with Bluetooth."

"You can't move out yet! I just got good at cutting up hot dogs...!"

'Awww, come on, Mom! All my friends my age are struggling and moving back in with their parents.'

"The kids are in college. . . what are we going to do with ourselves?"

'One good thing about the hurricane is it made our grown kids finally move out.'

"Daddy, I'm all grown up now, and I'm leaving to start a life of my own."

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"After the kids left home, I took up gardening!"

The empty-pocket syndrome.

Empty Nester Parents: Dad will give you a good talking to and mom will give you a hug.

"We love camping and it keeps the kids from moving back home."

"This place feels huge since all my sisters went off to college."

"Consider yourself lucky! Me, I was kicked out of the nest when I was still very young..."