Empty Nest Gifts

"Well, the children are grown up, married, divorced, and remarried. I guess our job is done."

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

Now that the last child had finally left for college, Dot and Neville went through the usual 'empty nest' grieving process.

'All my kids are grown and have moved out. How much would it cost to remove this tattoo?'

'My kids are grown and have moved out. How much would it cost to remove this tattoo?'

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"No need to push, Mother—I'm going."

How to tell an Empty Nest.

"Find a patch of sunlight, my boy. Find a patch of sunlight and bask in it."

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

"You can't just move out and leave me here with your father"

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"I didn't think you'd still be here at thirty."

Cut out and keep your own Teenager.

With the children all off to college, Gwen has been told this was the time to focus on Gus and rekindle their romance.

'Now that the kids have flown away, I want to turn their room into a man cave.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'You teach them to fly, and what do you get?'

"Remember the good old days when they ran away from home?"

"The time will come, son, when you will move out of the basement and into a basement apartment of your own."

'Awww, come on, Mom! All my friends my age are struggling and moving back in with their parents.'

"Daddy, I'm all grown up now, and I'm leaving to start a life of my own."

'One good thing about the hurricane is it made our grown kids finally move out.'

The empty-pocket syndrome.

"You can't move out yet! I just got good at cutting up hot dogs...!"

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

"The kids are in college. . . what are we going to do with ourselves?"

"We love camping and it keeps the kids from moving back home."

"After the kids left home, I took up gardening!"

"Kids in college? Well, won't it be nice to have them home?"

"This is my youngest. When he goes, I'm turning this place into a leather bar."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Your kids have left and gone on to lives of their own..." a dog yelps while his owner runs away.

"I'm not losing a daughter-I'm getting rid of a daughter."