Employment Strategist T-Shirts

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Employee Testing

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

Senior Partner works at a desk, sign on wall behind her says 'Ms. Davis senior partner - formerly: 'Hey You'.

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'You are a self-starter... problem is, you never finish anything.'

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'I must say, I do like your incentive program.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I have good news and bad news, Tom. The good news is good for me. The bad news is bad for you."

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

I'm not sure they understood what I was getting at. Yeah, they all looked confused, didn't they?

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'