Job Market Strategist T-Shirts

'We already have quite a few people who know how to divide, so essentially we're now looking for people who know how to conquer.'

The interviews hadn't begun, but Carl was quietly confident

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

"Thanks and I assure you you picked the right man for the job, Dad."

"Any career goals other than paying back your college student loans?"

'All the indications are that todays graduates are far more aware of the value in the market place.'

Negotiating a salary.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

The Three Wise Queens

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Between Offices

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Yes, I'm sure you do deserve further career advancement. But if I promote you again you'll have my job!"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'