Empathetic Partner Pillows

"I DO like you. YOU don't like you."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Are you OK hun?"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Cares and woes.

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"We must do something about these refugees..."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"Oh come now, darling. When I was your age, I felt different, too."

No safe haven

"Get a hold of yourself, Jerry! We ALL knew the risks we were taking with the new corporate motto. When you care, it's easy to get hurt!"

STRIP *Community Care * Office rage"

"Now I'm well, I miss my doctor."

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

"His life was hanging by a thread, and then somebody fed him the bean burrito."

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

"I was hoping to settle this without avoiding some sort of argument."

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

'I'm saying I want to share your pain you selfish bastard.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"You need to stop comparing yourself to other people."

'You think you have a hard life? -- I have to listen to crazy people every day!'

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"