Emotional Worker Gifts

"I think I'm making progress. My agonized ambivalence has given way to plain old agony."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

Woman walking into Inner Beauty Salon.

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

'So, your anger management class is working?'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Pregnant woman enters door marked: 'Mommy Time ... With Pre and Post-Natal Hug Therapy'

"Often, it's sullen and withdrawn, and then, suddenly, it becomes hostile and vengeful."

"Too much caffeine for Mr. Hopper"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

Crying parent holds crying baby.

Sadly, Barbara was the only one to show up at the support group for those with abandonment issues.

How to Feign Affection To Get Your Way.

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

A woman taking her heart for a walk.

'Thanks for the coaching, the tears did the trick: My parents bought me a mobile phone!'

Speaker: 'I've lost my will to go on ... is there a motivational speaker in the house?'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"What do I want to do? I want to do what you want to do and then resent you for being controlling."

Pretty Soon: Increasingly dim TV newscasters will need help knowing what emotions to convey when they are 'reporting'.

"Which version of yourself was the one who sabotaged the relationship?"

'Always had difficulty expressing my anger. Even before the botox injections.'

'My profession has probably been transformed again just since we started this session.'

'Gregory, do you suppose our relationship could be too meaningful?'

"Try and give me... happy."

"Gentlemen, we have ourselves a very troubling trend."