Emergency Room Escapist T-Shirts

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Kissing Hands

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'If you wish to be put on hold, press one...'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

"Please hold...for music while you wait..."

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

Message in a bottle.

"I think my life would have been played better set against a Roaring Twenties or Civil War background."

"Someone wants to talk to you about your jeep's extended warranty."

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

Dangerous tax audits.

"Mr. Cogdill said he won't be in today because it's 'National I Hate My Job Day'."

Bleh! That dreaded time of year had come around again. Everyone says it's torture. Prepare for the Apocalypse. Ok, class. Together we will all somehow survive

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"You're a very lucky man, Mr. David. Your insurance covers it."

"I have no problem with reality. It's just the occasional intrusion of gritty realism that I hate."

Message In Bottle In Bottle

"You know, on second thought maybe I'll take the stairs."

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

Virtual Reality Check