Emergency Procedure Guru T-Shirts

'I'm not saying you wouldn't try to do the right thing in an emergency, it's just. . . look at your freaky little arms.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Being Serenading in Casualty

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Where does it hurt?'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

First Aid Box

'Sorry, shortage of staff.'

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'You must take these pills for the rest of your life.' - 'But there're only 25 in here.'

Break Glass in Case of Fire: Tiny Firemen.

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'Next.'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

Fire Assembly Point

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

Hospital: Accident and Emergency and On Purpose and Suffering Nicely.

Using a Defibrillator a paramedic can tell if Pinocchio is lying.

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

Prescriptions and Side-effects consultant.

Surgical Operation.

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

A&E Department: "Take a seat!"

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"He fought like hell."

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

Micromanager of the Year Award: 'No, you need to present the award from my left...and did you do the awards form 87F, 2012?...'

"Do you know your name? Do you know where you are? Do you remember the accident? Do you know you had a hole in your underpants?"