Email Checker Pillows

'Can I check my emails first?'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'I'll try blaming it on auto correct and if that doesn't work, I'll blame you.'

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

The Expert

Email Notifications

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'Everyone's in a rush these days!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Our ideal employee will be able to answer email in their sleep."

"There's nothing wrong with her. With e-mail, texting and tweeting, she just hasn't needed to learn to talk."

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"Please disregard the previous message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

Two computers, smaller one labeled DATA, the larger one, HYPE

"Don't feel bad, my mail server goes down sometimes, too."

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

Postmodernist Pat, "the advent of 'electronic mail' has of course transcended the traditional 'sender-purveyor-receiver' relationship"

'Out of office - Please leave your emails in the inbox next door.'