Eloquent Speaker Gifts

Four Score and seven years ago...

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Carmel Buildings, Portman Square: A temperance meeting.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Mark Anthony on Zoom.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Time for speeches

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'Hey, I voted for the big tax hike because suffering builds character!'

The Pope looks through here to check out the crowd before he speaks. Ah --- The papal people peephole!

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'

"I'm going to be a lawyer so I'll be arguing both sides."

'You have echolalia — it's very common among politicians.'

"Friends, Romans, countrymen..."

Dog Treat. "Speak"? Without notes?

"Wow! You got a promotion? That's so inspirational! What's your secret, Baldo?"

A big dog at lectern.

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

"Mr. Chairman, distinguished guests, Gramm, Rudman, Hollings..."