Elite Humorist T-Shirts

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

Champagne at the hunt

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

Football Chameleon

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

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Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'