Elevator Music Fan Gifts

Where we Get Muzak...

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

'What did I tell you about playing the piano in the house?'

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"Depending on my mood, I go to a different part of the house: Master listens to jazz, Mistress to classical and Young Master to rock and roll..."

Elvis Purresley impersonators.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

Muzak's Top 10

Fuzz - The audience outnumbers the band.

A 1950's Barber Shop

Farmer Pickles hated it when the cows hummed Darth Vader's theme tune.

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

"Now don't let your concentration move from my hands and the cards. . ."

At Graceland everything has been left the same as the day Elvis died.

New York Gondolier

Closed. He was unable to complete the elevator repair today -- Further steps will need to be taken.

Hard Rock Cafe.

Elevator dilemma.

Executive Elevator: Up Only

"Don't you know anything but 'Afternoon of a Faun'?"

Elvis Costello

We successfully replaced your pacemaker with an iPod, Mr. Wyatt

"I'm all shook up."

'John's animal impressions are particularly good. He not only does the sounds, he does the smells as well!'

Legends of Hold Music

John Lennon

"Play dead!"

Amy Winehouse

Elvis Marks the Death of the Single.

"We've got Sid Gordon on drums, Foxy Jones on bass and Bud Kelly on drugs!"

Oh, well, I'm sure it would be very funny if I had any idea who this "Elvis" person was.

"Roll over!"

'Gee! I liked Muazk better than this laugh track!'