Elevator Avoider Pillows

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

"I'm starting a fitness program. Since we work on the 90th floor, I'm nor requiring all employees o use the stairs."

'I know it's healthier but I climbed the stairs yesterday and when I finally reached the very top office, working time was already over!'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Conga train chasing a man at a party.

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Sailor notices a sea mine in his foot bath.

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

Scientists Discover the Gene for Heterosexuality in Men

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"Just so you know, if this elevator breaks down, I have no problem cannibalizing your body for my survival."

"But this is the way we've always done it."

'OK, it moved a little, but I can't do this all on my own. Teamwork, people. We all need to bounce at the same time.'

'Only six more floors to my cubicle.'

"You know, on second thought maybe I'll take the stairs."

'Because it's here and not 29,000 sodding feet up in the Himalayas, that's why!'

The coward's way out.

How To Flatten Your Tummy

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

Hotel Stay

'Mom, what are 'stairs' for?'

Canadian Standoff

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

Night club has an old man sat in a chill out room.

"If you thought the Trump tower elevator ride was tough, good luck surviving the next four years."

Dog in a lift.

'I put a dab of Pine-Sol behind each ear and my husband thinks I've been cleaning all day.'

"I'm trapped in an elevator - wait, it gets worse."

'Your name escapes me at the moment, but I'm sure I have your dental records on file.'