Electric Shock Avoider Mugs

Safety Tips from the American Council to Avoid Static Shocks

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'My science project is an experiment in static electricity.'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

"I do diet...between snacks."

Sailor notices a sea mine in his foot bath.

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'It doesn't matter, Mr. Katz — you're overweight standard or metric.'

"But this is the way we've always done it."

Indoor sauna.

Escaped Fish

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

Caution! Peak power electric bill shock possible.

"My venom is too slow-acting for my liking: I use a taser instead..."

"I'm starting a fitness program. Since we work on the 90th floor, I'm nor requiring all employees o use the stairs."

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

The ocean - vast, deep magnificent...

"Your dad doesn't want to see or hear any comments on his social media page. Please explain to him how to turn them off."

"...And as for your terrible elevator music...."

Ant banging on his roof with a broom up to football players stomping around above him