Elderly With An Edge Pillows

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Church Basement Foodie

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Remote Control Duck

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Medication for the elderly

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

Rock on Grandma!

Checking for signs of life.

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

A senior moment.

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"60 Fortune 500 companies paid no federal taxes last year. . . meanwhile, thanks to a lack of funding, I no longer get dessert in my meals on wheels."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Mr. Swinehart has just crossed Route 36 at Goshen Junction. We are all expected, in exactly eighteen minutes, to greet him as he comes down the driveway."

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'