Ego Boost Seeker Pillows

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

Ancient Racing

Muscles

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

"We're exclusively delts."

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Bench Press Accident

Bob's Driving School.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"I really start dragon around 3 o'clock."

Exercise Bars

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

You are much more likely to think outside the box if it is broken.

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'C'mon, guys. That old geezer just leg pressed 400 pounds when he got up from the chair.'

Ego Increasing School

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

A caterpillar is rowing itself along

"An enormous amount of advanced engineering has gone into our latest models. That's not to say, of course, that an enormous amount of advanced engineering hasn't always gone into all our models."

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

Psychic diving competition.