Educator Family Member Gifts

"If they add one more mandatory standardized test... we'll have to lengthen the school year!"

A Puppet Named Juan

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Hate Platforms

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"You're fired."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lynching on social media

Ethics exam cheater.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Fear/Knowledge

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Campaign for Plain English

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

I will study my speling words...

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."