Eco-dancer Gifts

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

The Stripper

'I'm dreaming of a green Christmas, with every recycled Christmas card I write...'

'Muriel makes all her own clothes out of junk mail.'

'... so I decided to make us all fabulous new outfits from the Guardian environment supplement!'

House Plant Party

"I wrote this song for Catalina, the woman who's taught me almost everything..."

'This new star sends out periodic pulses in a very appealing rhythm -- I think I'll name it 'Bossa Nova.''

The Third Day of Christmas

'All our food is locally sourced.'

Wind Energy Systems Inc.

"Just a little off the top and shape the back."

Dog urinating against a table dancer's pole.

A sheep shearing herself on stage - A sheep strip show

Lily Costume

'WOOHOOO! Yeah BABY, yeah!' (at a zebra strip show)

"At least I won't have to jump out of these silly things for a living any more."

"It's hard to hear through all the music but I think they said something about discovering nightlife on Mars."

Make Your Own

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

Pole Dancing Every Night: 'It's one of the perks of being a weights and measures inspector.'

"Sure her act is legal in a nightclub - but she was doing it in the street."

Dancing with the Star Wars

"A stripper in Ohio claims her privacy was violated when a patron took a picture of her while she was performing, thus invoking her Constitutional right to irony."

'I'm not sure who to support. One is spoilt for choice these days!'

"Whatever happens, Jenkins, you'll always have your dancing to fall back on."

'This is just the warm up.'

Endangered Feces Act

'Solar heat is fine, but I miss our privacy!'

"She should be good. The capital 'L' shows an extroverted and outgoing personality, the wide 'O' indicates a warm nature, the second 'L' is lively..."