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"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Imagine

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Who are These People?"

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

"His goal is to outlive rock and roll!"

'I know, but he's a genius.'

Hedgehog living in filing cabinet.

Buider, "How crazy do you want this paving, mad,or completely wacko?"

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

Human and alien exchange sex toys.

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

Toe-Tickling Machine

101 uses of a dead cat: rollerskates

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

"Love the exposed chessboard."

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

Rich Man with Lawn Mower followed by Maid with Hoover.

'To hell with the rules.'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Clown escaping a shipwreck on an inflatable unicycle.

'Ah, Baker! Still the company's lone voice in the wilderness, I see!'

Bottom House

Man talking to a tree.

"Oh and, incidentally, Whit, I'm afraid there's room for only one haircut like this around here."

The Water Diviner