Eccentric Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

"She was a good turtle."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Use your imagination.

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

Clone Factory

Trump Tariffs

"Inactivists"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'