Eavesdropping Humor Lover Gifts

'Now he's saying:'stop shouting at me, darling, or the children might hear'!'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Police Feline Unit

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"His first out-of-body experience."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Dog Walking Services

Do Not Resuscitate

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Skiing.