Eating Salad Pillows

"Would it help if I ate a salad?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"More croutons, sir?"

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"Might I recommend one of our salads? They come with three of your companion's fries."

"Good morning, Mother! We made you a desk salad."

Ranch Dressing

Free salad bar.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'