Easy-going Gourmet Pillows

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Haute Chinese

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Fridge-to-table"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

'It's an acquired taste!'

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."