Easy-going Gourmet Pillows

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fridge-to-table"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

'It's an acquired taste!'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'